The 40th Night
by Lonestarr
Summary: [40 Days and 40 Nights] What should've happened in the last few minutes.


Disclaimer: Miramax owns the film and everything in it, so keep your lawyers away from me.

(...11:50 pm...Matt's apartment...)

Matt is handcuffed to his bed. The reason being so that, if temptation strikes, he won't try something. He laid there thinking, 'How the hell did I get into this?'. Then it dawned on him: this is the last night of Lent - and his fast. Having just broke up with his girlfriend Nicole, he vowed to go the entire 40-day span without sex of any kind. About a week into it, Ryan, his roommate and, for lack of a better term, "friend", found out about it and pretty soon, all of Matt's co-workers found out about it. A pool was started, where they would bet on which day he was going to crack. Some of his female co-workers tried to seduce him into...losing control. One even tried a drink spiked with Viagra, but that also backfired. He couldn't help but think to himself, 'Was this really worth it?'.

There was one bright spot to this: in the midst of this, he met a girl, Erica. They fell in love...which kind of, sort of put a damper on the whole "no sex for Lent" vow. They promised to wait until the end of Lent to do anything, though they were quite surprised at what a flower could do.

(...11:52 pm...the street...)

Unfortunately, Matt's ex-girlfriend, Nicole, having learned about the bet and put $30,000 into the pool, is on her way to Matt's apartment.

(...11:54 pm...Matt's apartment...)

Matt, sick of struggling and bored of waiting for Erica, has fallen asleep.

(...11:56 pm...the street...)

Nicole stops in front of an apartment building and looks up at a window. The lights are still on. She smiles as she walks toward the entrance.

(...11:57 pm...Matt's apartment...)

Nicole walks into the apartment; the door had been left unlocked, so Erica could get in and the couple could celebrate right away. She walks into Matt's bedroom and stands over his sleeping form. She starts to climb into bed when the phone rings. Nicole wants to ignore it, but after a few more rings, she finds that she can't. After breathing a sigh of irritation, she gets off the bed, walks over and answers it.

"Hey, Matt. It's me, Erica."

"Erica?", Nicole thought to herself. The little bitch from the restaurant?

"I just wanted to let you know that I'll be over soon. I can't wait."

The fact that there was no response on the other end started to worry Erica.

"Matt? Are you there?"

Nicole rips the phone out of the wall and tosses into a wastebasket.

(...11:58 pm...a phone booth...)

"Matt!"

(...11:58 pm...Matt's apartment...)

Nicole is back on the bed, but now, she's straddling Matt. She starts removing his shorts.

"There is one good thing I can say about our breakup, Matty. It made me a shitload of money."

Erica, panting, barges into the apartment and scrambles into Matt's bedroom.

"Step away from the boyfriend."

"Well, look. If it isn't Matty's little friend?"

"That wasn't a suggestion."

"And just what are you going to do about it?"

"This."

Erica grabs Nicole's hair and pulls her off of the bed.

"Get your goddamn hands off me, you little bitch!"

Nicole kicks Erica in the leg, knocking her down. Erica spins her leg around, tripping Nicole. Erica starts punching Nicole in the face. Nicole responds by choking Erica. Erica stomps on Nicole's foot. Nicole's pained yell wakes Matt from his sleep.

"What the hell's going on?"

"Just a little house cleaning, that's all", Erica replied.

"That's what you think!"

Nicole lunges at Erica, but Erica grabs Nicole by the shoulders and knees her in the gut. Erica then grabs her and tosses her out the door.

"If you ever want a rematch, you know where to find me."

Erica walks back inside.

"Impressive."

"Thanks. Growing up with three brothers, you pick things up."

"Could you uncuff me?"

"Sure. Where's the key?"

"In the drawer."

Erica gets the key and unlocks the handcuffs, freeing Matt.

"Now tell me. Why was the door to your apartment unlocked and open?"

"So you could get in?"

"You couldn't try to have another key made?"

"It didn't occur to me."

Erica wraps her arms around Matt.

"What am I going to do with you?"

They look over at the clock which says 12:03am.

"I can think of a few things."

Matt and Erica got into bed, the lamp going out on the table beside them.

(...the next day...on a bus...)

Matt and Erica are riding on a bus, sitting very close.

"So, you won the pool. What are you going to do with your windfall?"

"What are _we_ going to do with it, you mean?"

Erica laughs.

"Well, it's a pretty long bus ride. I'm sure we'll think of something."

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(Addendum on 12-19-03)

A/N: This is a story that, I feel, _had_ to be written.

Quite frankly, I hate this movie. The biggest reason for this is the penultimate scene. It makes me sick to have to revisit it, so I can't tell you what happens, but go to the movie's IMDB page and scroll through the user comments and message board. That the scene was filmed and treated like it was nothing, even adding the, ahem, "happy ending" as an afterthought...simply appalling. Anyone with half-a-brain cell could see that. Some of you might be going "I didn't find that scene offensive. Does that make me stupid?!". Being the non-confrontational person I am, I would probably reply "No! No, no, no." But in this instance, yes, you are as dumb as a bag of hammers - dumber, perhaps - if you weren't even the least bit offended or disturbed by that scene. So awful was the scene that it made me hate the entire movie...

...Not that there was a whole lot in the first 85 minutes to justify its existence. Among its flaws: 1) terrible supporting characters. I'm no prude, but everyone had sex on the brain. All of the sex stuff grew very grating very fast. A real friend wouldn't tell the world about your vow and as for the co-workers starting a pool about when you'll give up? If I worked with people like that, I'd quit in a heartbeat. 2) awful jokes. I know that a premise like this would, in a way, require "American Pie"-type humor, but the scene with Matt's parents? The Viagra-spiked drink? If this is what passes for comedy, then it's high time for Hollywood to seriously rethink the genre. 3) Three words: Josh freakin' Hartnett. I don't hate the guy, but a role like Matt required an actor with a sense of slapstick and comic timing, qualities that Hartnett did not possess. Given how overexposed he is now, I can fathom any disagreements, but I feel that Asthon Kutcher would've made a better Matt.

It's nice to know that there are people at this site who agree with me on the issue of the next-to-last scene. To Angel Princess Stephanie and Yolanda, thank you.

I will conclude by saying that everyone involved with the film should be, in some capacity, ashamed of themselves.


End file.
